Don't give up, ever.

I am really writing this for my own benefit.

This is a reminder to not give up, ever. Things can be hard, you can be tired and in pain but it's always for a reason. You have to have the bad and hard times else when would you know things are good? Without bad there is no contrast and all you get is, well... times.

I recently became a safehouse to a little cat that had been seized by the RSPCA. He was emaciated, matted, old, full of flu, yet he never gave up. He had 15 years of struggling through life to finally get to the latter part and find someone who would love him forever and would make sure he would never be hungry again. He amazes me because his strength of spirit got him through, he is one of the funniest and happiest chaps I have met.

One of my other cats Poppy Pickle was the same, a victim of bonfire night when she came into my life she was burnt, starved, could barely use her back legs and yet was so full of life.

Animals can teach us a lot. They live for the day, they have hope for the future, they remind me to have hope for my future.
 

No clue...

I have no idea what I want to be any more. I went from being quite career orientated to just wanting an easy life. This doesn't mean I lack ambition, I am writing a book at present and nothing would please me more to get it out there - and in some way shape or form I believe that I will.

As a career though, I don't think I am interested in climbing any ladders, I recently read "the trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you are still a rat". I don't totally believe that is true, there are many successful people with ethics that do well in the race, but I have seen so many, including myself, get hurt. I have worked in the events and music industry, the third sector and finally found I was at my happiest when I was working with animals and yet I still want to stay at the bottom, no ambition to climb any higher.

I am as happy as I have been in a long time. I am thirty five, nearly thirty six and it was only a year or so ago that I met a lovely man I think I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I am on the lowest wage I have ever been on (minimum in fact) and that is a struggle I won't deny. But honestly if I could work part time, make jam, garden, look after my animals and write my book I would be chuffed to pieces. What has happened to me? Well whatever it is, I like it!

We all need to make more time for each other and for ourselves. We need to stop getting hung up on what we think we should be and just focus on what we enjoy.

Goodbye Greg x

At the beginning of this week my world stood still. My friend Sarah messaged me to see if I had heard the news about our mutual friend Greg.

Greg was someone I had met during my DJing years at The Masque/Barfly. He worked behind the bar and was also in a band called Dopamine that later morphed into "Day with Mary". He was always jolly, smiley and a genuinely nice guy.

Last weekend Greg's Mum and Sister came home from holiday to find Greg had passed away. No warning, no decision of his own, one minute he was here and the next he was gone.

When I heard the news my heart stood still. I hadn't seen Greg for a good while but we kept in contact via Facebook and chatted just a few weeks ago. I had to message him, "Is this a bad joke? are you there?" Greg never answered and my message has not been read.

I used to run a club night called Mixed Bag with my friend Klaus (Terry). Our most successful years were when we were at a club called The Masque which was later run by Barfly, on Seel Street, Liverpool. The staff there were family to each other and generally if they weren't working in the venue then they were drinking in it.

One night, early doors, Greg was in drinking with his friends. I was DJing on my own and Greg kept coming to the booth to talk to me, he was a cheeky scamp and every time I thought he was going to request a song he asked if he could touch my boob instead (why the one I will never know?). The answer was 'no' but that didn't stop him persisting with the question. Each time looking innocently at me like it wasn't an unreasonable request. He carried on and made me cry with laughter but he never got his way.

Fast forward to several years later, things have changed (in fact my DJing career wasn't going to continue much longer, gone are the days of The Barfly and everyone was going their separate ways). Greg messages me to see how I am (I had been in for an operation). He starts telling me he is doing work experience at Aintree Hospital and  how he saved a little girls life by carrying her up three flights of stairs to get her to the hospital unit she needed (the lift wasn't working and it was an emergency). I was so proud of him. He had found his calling in life and pursued it (it took him a couple of years but last year he got a job working for the NHS in The Liverpool Royal). I knew Greg was lovely but I also saw him as a bit of a joker, up until now I never realised that his caring side was actually quite a serious side too.

Photo copyright Sakura

Greg always seemed to know when I needed someone to talk to, even if it was just a message to tell me I was lovely. A few weeks ago it was my Dad's birthday, we had both lost our Dad's and whenever I posted about mine Greg would always message me to see if I was ok. He was just a sweetheart. As daft as a brush and as sweet as custard.

My heart goes out to your friends especially your band mates, Cesar, Chris, Andy and Rich and your family. I have been crying tears and then crying with laughter reading some of your friends memories about you. I wish we had hung out more, I wish I could turn back time. You filled those 31 years of yours with a lot of laughter.

I may not have let you touch my boob, but Greg you really touched my life. I will miss you. x